Heh. Just broke up with my girlfriend.. and still recovering from it. Guess it would be worse for her but doesn't really matter.. it's still a breakup, we all get sad and hurt. Haven't been blogging much because there were things that i didn't really want to say that would hurt the relationship.. but actually gets worse if u store it up in yourself. Just learnt something new about myself which i already ought to know.. i'm a peacemaker. I know in relationships couples ought to be honest with each other but i guess i was being such a selfish devil.. and can't help being human.. and more importantly being myself.

I always find her saying things that will defend herself when she could in fact not do things that would obviously affect how i feel. Even though i did say i wouldnt mind her flirting.. that doesnt mean i would want her to flirt~ letting me see it is a worst-case-scenario.. For example, was the day at my bud Russell's chalet.. first she gets a guy to show EVERYONE and then get me annoyed by getting very close to a guy.. I walk off to cool off awhile and the next thing i know is her being chased away by my bud.. taking all her belongings.. and i had no choice but to go after her.. Then of course a person in the right frame of mind would ask for an explanation no matter whether he liked it or not. She explained that it was nothing that she tried to shake his hands off even if he wanted to get close to her.. but in the first place why bring him to the chalet? Obviously it's a feckin big question mark aint it? because there is no explanation for that.. then u bring up that i would not mind.. that's like going overboard aint it. damns. it's like first you assume then u try to explain the error that you have just committed.. heck. It's like i didn't want her to stay.. yet i wanted her to stay... how contradicting ain't it.. how human.. Think all is resolved? think again why even commit the crime in front of the police station. Because you wanted to see me? This wasn't what i wanted to see. Well, that's my defense.. all pointless arguements anyways.. i've already given up on it and there's no way i'm going back.. or start another page of to-be-broken feelings.

If u ask me is it the end? I'll say we can only be friends because i cant see i can commit to a relationship where i cant even bring myself to trust her.. only force myself into listening to explanations. I cant bring myself to accept someone who would not stand up to her boyfriend on serious matters. You can feel for me? Then feel that i'm unhappy about you going on a movie date with a guy you just met as if you were single.. and so single i will be. Even if i were to get attached i wouldnt get attached to you.

Dont get me wrong i dont hate her. I dont think she's selfish. I understand that, like me, she's guilty of being too much of a human being.. only that I cant accept her as my girlfriend anymore.

Oh fux it. Complications can be such a headache. I guess all about these days should be about this because i cant bring myself to think about other things other than this Hahs. Only i've been smoking for no apparent reason lately.. noticing but not caring.. beginning to fuk care lotsa things lately too.. given my already i-dont-care attitude towards life Lols.. that can be very bad.. or good emotionally depending on how you look at it :D.

Today is AHM day by the way our team came in 9th position.. a little below our expectations but i still believe they did a good job. 3 Cheers for them ^_^! Jonathan one of our strongest runners actually had a physical exhaustion.. must have been a bad day for him. I guess no matter how strong we are.. we are all human afterall.. we all have our limits, our mood swings and our bad luck. Believe he'll be alright :).. and again great job guys.